


What Are You Afraid Of?

by Everyoneisheretoday5



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, New Dangan Ronpa V3: Everyone's New Semester of Killing
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Ouma is a bastard, Rated T for swearing, Shuichi probably has insomnia, also hinted at saimota, just pretend they’re not stuck in a killing game, kaito said it himself, kaito’s emotional issues, trans shuichi saihara
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-07
Updated: 2020-07-07
Packaged: 2021-03-04 17:54:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,486
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25130461
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Everyoneisheretoday5/pseuds/Everyoneisheretoday5
Summary: Kaito comes down to the school cafeteria at 2 am in the morning.
Relationships: Momota Kaito/Saihara Shuichi
Comments: 2
Kudos: 101





	What Are You Afraid Of?

Kaito Momota wanted to be someone who you could count on.

Always supportive, always strong, always a pillar to lean against. That was his role. That was what he had decided and the Luminary Of The Stars was going to play it out, no matter how taxing. 

He’d be there for everyone. Maki Roll, Shuchi, maybe even Kokichi, that little bastard… anyone who needed his help. 

He’d plaster on a smile, and say “it’s okay! You can always count on me!”, his disguise never failing, never faltering. He didn’t want it to falter anyways. Him being vulnerable wasn’t something he needed, or that other people wanted. 

That’s what he knew.

So he would stick to that.

  
  


Kaito walked down to the school’s cafeteria in a daze, muttering under his breath as he did so, certain that no one was awake. 

He couldn’t sleep. Too restless. He tried training, but for some reason it made him feel more horrible than usual, a nauseous feeling gathering in his stomach every time he tried to do a sit-up. So he got up, and decided to wander at 2 in the morning, patrolling the school’s hallways and saying whatever thoughts came to his head, most of which had to do on Shuichi and Maki’s states of mind. 

Even though he was… well he didn’t like other people being particularly emotional around him, that didn’t mean he didn’t worry about their mental health. It felt like making up for neglecting them in some way. 

“Maki is still abrasive and cold as usual…” he chuckled under his breath a bit, although if he was being honest, her icy glare and harsh words did hurt a little. The last time he called her Maki Roll, he thought he saw a hint of a smile on her face… so that was something. 

He came to a stop as he stared into the dimly lit entrance of the cafeteria, heart rate quickening as he thought he could see someone in the shadows. He slowly raised his fists up, although he knew that he probably couldn’t fight off an attacker with a weapon given that brute strength could only go so far and… his condition. It made him weak. He detested it. 

“K-Kaito?” 

Shuichi stepped out of the darkness, his usual uniform still on for some strange reason. Kaito noticed that one hand was absentmindedly rubbing his side, and he winced slightly as he walked forward.

“You can put your hands down, it’s just me.” 

Kaito smiled fondly and lowered his fists, Shuichi’s presence a pleasant one on a not-so good night for him. He always was. It troubled him to see him so out of place though…

“Hey sidekick! What’re you doing up so late?” 

Shuichi looked to the side and avoided Kaito’s gaze, fidgeting with the edge of his shirt. “I don’t know… too many thoughts I guess. Can’t sleep.” 

“Same bro- wanna go sit down? We should probably turn on the lights if we’re gonna we gonna here a while,” Kaito said cheerfully, looking around for the light switch. Shuichi nodded, and Kaito led him over to one of the tables after turning on the lights, his hand brushing Shuichi’s shoulder lightly in a sort of guiding way. 

Kaito had a habit of being touchy with other people, especially Shuichi. Maki wouldn’t let him touch her, but Shuichi seemed to be okay with it. Kaito could have sworn that on a couple of occasions Shuichi seemed to lean into it, but then again he couldn’t be sure. It was nice that he let him though… 

The two of them sat down at a table near the pitch-black windows, unable to see outside without smooshing their faces into the glass. Shuichi was quiet as usual, hunched over and looking slightly uncomfortable. Kaito’s brow knitted into a look of concern, and attempted to read his facial expression.

“Are you alright? You look like you’re in pain.” 

Shuichi sucked in a quick breath and shook his head. “No, it’s nothing, honest. I’m alright. It’s okay.” 

“Are you sure? I’m like 98% sure that’s a look of pain,” He stood up and walked over to Shuichi’s side of the table, staring at him and searching for clues for a diagnosis. “You were rubbing your side earlier- do you want me to take a look at it? I have a bit of medical knowledge-“ 

Shuichi wrapped his arms around himself and tried to back away, shaking his head. “NO!- I said it’s nothing, you don’t need to worry about it.” 

Kaito backed away, hands up. Shuichi almost never raised his voice over a stern scolding. “I’m sorry-“ 

_ There’s no way that he is completely okay though- there’s clearly something wrong. Why won’t he tell me? Did I do something?... _

“You can tell me anything though, it’s okay. I don’t need to look at… anything, but if something is harming you, I’d like to know about it so I can help! Y’know like a good hero would do! Plus you’re my sidekick! I care about you a lot!” Shuichi snorted a bit under his breath, but didn’t look at him. Kaito scratched the back of his neck out of habit, and sighed. “Okay obviously you don’t have to tell me anything… your secrets are yours to keep after all.” 

_ Shuichi doesn’t know about my illness anyways… so to tell him he shouldn’t keep anything from me would make me a hypocrite.  _

Shuichi finally looked up at him and attempted to get up from his seat, only to wince in pain and set his head down on the table tiredly. “...fuck..” 

Kaito stood there watching him, trying to keep his face as neutral as possible. His grandparent’s concerned and pitying faces flashed in his mind, and he steeled himself once more. He wasn’t sure what to do, so he just stood there, waiting for Shuichi to speak up or do something. If he could. 

Shuichi eventually spoke, cheek pressed against the table and tired- sounding. “Okay fine. I’ve been wearing my binder too long. Do I need to explain it to you or?...” 

Kaito’s eyes widened, mind reeling for a second before he quickly shut it off, shaking his head and reorganizing himself. 

“I don’t think so… I’m assuming it has to do with your chest?...”

“Yes.”

“Why would you be wearing a thing that hurts your chest?!”

“I’m trans. Dysphoria exists. Don’t tell anybody else, or…” Shuichi sighed, raising one hand in the air dismissively. “I don’t know what I’ll do, but I will not be happy and won’t trust you ever again.” 

Kaito quickly nodded, and sat down next to Shuichi, studying his face absentmindedly as he thought over the implications. It didn’t change anything, he was still Shuichi, and he was still a guy, and he still wanted to be in his presence. Kaito didn’t really understand people who were against gay and trans people to be honest. He might be gay himself, who knows? Shuichi certainly- 

No. Cut that off. He didn’t need any pesky feelings right now. 

“How long are you supposed to wear that thing for?...” 

Shuichi sat up slowly, hair messed up on one side from being pressed against the table. “8-12 hours…” 

He pinched the bridge of his nose, and sighed again, eventually settling to set his hands down on the edge of the table, rubbing the smooth surface. “And I’m not supposed to wear it while exercising either…” 

Kaito suddenly got up and slammed his hands on the table, immediately regretting it as Shuichi flinched. 

“Sorry bro— anyways is that why you get so out of breath while training? You really shouldn’t-“ 

“I know…” 

Kaito quickly looked around for the nearest restroom, and snatched his coat from around his waist. He had put it that way after getting the gel out of his hair as he usually did every night and forgot about it. 

“Look man… go change and take my coat. I don’t know if it’ll help make you more comfortable with this kind of stuff, but if it does, feel free to wear it, alright?” He slid his jacket over to Shuichi, who looked at it with an unreadable expression. “And even if it doesn’t- borrow it for the night! I don’t mind. I’d kinda want you to have it, I guess.”

“O-okay.” 

Shuichi stood up and wrapped the long jacket around his shoulders, Kaito ready to help him if he fell over or something like that. He didn’t really know a lot about this stuff, so he supposed he should research on his own. 

Shuichi headed off, and Kaito was left on his own terms, staring at the tiny scratches in the table surface.  _ Yet another mission completed…  _

_ Is there something causing him to stay up? Why am I up? Am I sick?... please don’t let my thing be getting worse… oh god…  _

“I’m back.” 

Shuichi sat down next to him once again, this time with Kaito’s jacket on him, tailcoat on the floor, his hands hidden in the long sleeves. It was almost hilarious. Shuichi had always been rather skinny and light, so the huge jacket was amusing on such a small figure. He seemed to be quite relaxed though.

“That was quick,” Kaito noted. 

Shuichi nodded. “I don’t like looking at my body, so I changed as fast as possible. I’ve become quite good at it.” 

“Showers must be a nightmare for you then.” 

“They are… long as I don’t look down, I’m mostly okay though.” 

The two of them settled into a comfortable silence, listening to the sounds of the school around them. Kaito was vaguely aware of Shuichi staring at him, but tried to pay it no mind.

“Kaito, I know nothing about you.” 

Shuichi’s sudden statement caught the purple-haired man off guard.  _ What?.. _

He turned towards Shuichi, who seemed to have an intense expression. “What do you mean? You know plenty about me.” 

“Plenty about you… at the surface level,” Shuichi explained. “There’s no way you’re always that happy. I have no idea if you have parents, what your aspirations are besides being an astronaut, what your pet peeves are… actually I know one of them, but I don’t know the reason behind it. Heck, I don’t even know your favorite color!” 

Kaito laughed. “Ha, that’s an easy one! Purple, obviously.” 

Shuichi snorted. “Yeah okay, I should have known that one. But anyways…” 

“Anyways?..” 

“I… why don’t you like people being emotional?” 

The question struck something inside of Kaito. Was it really that obvious?.. he didn’t mean to cringe whenever someone cried, he just wanted to get away… it just didn’t feel right… he knew he had told Shuichi off a few times offhandedly… 

“What do you mean? I love it when people are happy-“ 

“Yeah, but you don’t like it when people are sad,” Shuichi pointed out. “Whenever me or someone else has a negative emotion, you look like you want to run away… and you tell them to stop. Which is really invalidating and I wish you would quit it…” 

“Oh… I’m sorry- I just-“ Kaito stammered, tripping over his words. It felt super weird to be confronted like this.

“Don’t. The question is  _ why.  _ Why are you so uncomfortable with dealing with negative emotions?” Shuichi stared at Kaito’s bewildered face, smiling a bit on the inside about how his hair flopped over his face. He pushed the thought away and pressed further. “And why do you pretend like you don’t have any?” 

“Because I don’t. I’m not depressed or anything like that.” He was the one avoiding Shuichi’s gaze for once, as he silently hoped that this conversation wouldn’t lead to conflict. 

“Literally everyone has negative emotions, not just depressed people, Kaito. What makes you think you can’t express them?” 

Memories flashed in Kaito’s head from when he was young, adults around him crying, people he barely knew saying they felt sorry for him… and he remembered how it made him feel. 

Adults were supposed to be the strong ones? What were they doing? Now he couldn’t tell them about sad stuff because they might cry. And he didn’t want them to cry. He just wanted everyone to be happy like normal! Life could go on as normal, even without his parents. 

He didn’t want to leave a bad impression on others.

“I don’t want to leave a bad impression on others.” 

The people around him were supposed to be normal, and strong and something he could find comfort in. 

“I need to be normal and strong and something others can find comfort in.” 

And everytime people who he liked cried, it reminded him of when his parents died because that’s what the adults around him did at the time.

“And everytime someone who I like cries, it reminds me of when my parents died because that’s what the adults back then did around me.” 

And if someone sees him as strong, he can’t let down that facade because it might do the same thing to them as it did to him.

“And if someone sees me as strong, I can’t let down that facade because they might turn out the same way I did.” 

A moment passed and then Shuichi said: “woah… okay. I did not expect you to say that-“ 

Kaito snapped out of his trance and stared at Shuichi with a look of horror on his face. “Wait. Did I say that out loud?!”

“Yes, you did…” 

“Shit-“ 

Kaito quickly got up and left the table, not running but still walking as quickly as he could, muttering curses under his breath, and regretting every step-

“Kaito!! Wait! It’s okay! Getting that out was good! It’s a good step!” Shuichi ran up to Kaito, sleeves flapping behind him.

Kaito stopped suddenly. “You mean there’s a staircase to this?!” 

“No?” Shuichi looked at Kaito in confusion. “Not literally-“ 

“Then what-“ 

“Expressing your emotions. Getting that out was something.” 

“But I don’t want to express them. It might hurt people.” 

“I know you don’t, but the thing is that you won’t hurt people. You’re nobody’s parent,”Shuichi stopped to consider something, a mischievous grin appearing on his face. “Unless you’re older than I thought you were and Himiko is your illegitimate child or something-“ 

Kaito let out a laugh, smiling. “Of course not! She doesn’t even look anything like me!” 

“Right. Of course.” Shuichi pulled his sleeves back to expose his hands, and cuffed them behind his elbows. “Anyways… you want to meet up somewhere tomorrow? To help with the emotion stuff. I’m not a therapist, but I’ve had plenty of experience with repressing my feelings.” 

“Okay…” Kaito said, a little concerned. 

“Also when do you want this back?..” Shuichi picked the end of the tailcoat off the ground as an example. 

“I don’t know. I’ll figure it out tomorrow. Want to walk back to the dorms with me?”

“Yeah.” 

**Author's Note:**

> “Shuichi being trans isn’t going to be a major thing” 
> 
> Me now: fuck


End file.
